The Belvedere... Spit or Swallow? (Not PETA Approved)

It's hardly a binary rating system when you'd screw any chick you see... but I like that we're in agreement with this binary, spit or swallow rating system. No need to confuse our numerous number of readers.

OK, hmm, where to start... The Belvedere had a nice stench of snobbishness to it. By keeping the Belvedere sign the size of a bumper sticker and hiding the location deep in Stephen Ave, the Belvedere is obviously attempting to spread their name by word of mouth, but only within the social mass with class (the rich asses in our society). As Zarkotic has mentioned, their dress code is smart casual. I just take that to mean "better than casual". So in my point of view, Zarkotic is delusional. Anyways, I hate all this "business casual/ smart casual" bullshit when it comes to restaurants. As long as you don't look/smell like a hobo and have the $$$ to pay for the shit you're eating, who the hell cares whether you look casual, only slightly more pristine, or you look like you skinned a fucking penguin; you're eating the same shit. So for the cocks who snub me because I'm not in a frilly dress, they're only making it worse for themselves, because if I get that impression, I'll comfort myself with their tips. (.... if that sounds erotic to you, grow up)

I also found it entertaining when the waiter was trying to describe foie gras to someone sitting at a table near us. It's fatty duck/geese liver. Not some "extravagant combination of whatever-the-hell the waiter was trying to say". Get to the point and stop wasting my air, if the person wants to try fatty duck liver - great, if she doesn't - fine. Don't give her some flamboyant speech about everything OTHER than the actual content of the dish... Go back to being a used car salesman. Seriously.

Enough bitching, moving on to the food. We started off with a bottle of the "G wine". I've tried other Gewurztraminer wines, however, none had met my expectations - they all tasted like common table white wines. Interestingly enough though, Wolfberger ‘Steingrubler’ Grand Cru Gewurztraminer (Alsace 2003) tingled my taste buds. With 13% alcohol, there was only a subtle hint of it, the rest was just... sweet. But not overly sweet as you would find in some Rieslings or icewine. So now, my search continues to find other "G wines" like it (stfu, I'm no alchy, nor was there any blackmailing... unless you really want me to drown my sorrows with the Rieslings we have for our tasting, then I'll fully admit).

Onto the main entree. Zarkotic got it right, I like my meat rare. Just throw that cow on the grill until you hear the last faint "moo" and it's good to go. In due time, I will bring Zarkotic down to medium rare - the most any beef should be cooked (aside from burgers... for obvious reasons). Though I think this has already been accomplished because I swear that elk Zarkotic tried was cooked rare. Anyways, I had the Braised Alberta Bison Short Ribs. So this short rib, was cooked to perfection in terms of how short ribs should be cooked (meat sliding off the bone), however, the meat separate from the bone lost it's tenderness. Because this dish is similar to a Chinese dish I have tried, I was not ecstatic about it, nor am I disappointed. Dessert was... interesting. I have never appreciated the whole "complementing" thing until now. The flourless Cuban Chocolate-Hazelnut Torte on its own was bitter for me, but, pairing it with the Tahitian Vanilla Ice Cream made it very good. So overall I'd still swallow, though maybe next time, I'll swallow some other dish.

The Belvedere

107-8th Ave SW

Calgary, AB

tel: 403-265-9595

Rating: Swallow

(Spacing decided to fuck up on me here, that's why the addy looks so weird)

The Belvedere

The binary system (1/0, ie Spit/Sawllow) is right up my alley since I work as a soft dev... In fact, I used the binary rating system to rate chix (1 == yes [or "I would"], 0 == no [or I wouldn't]) since we all know there is only one thing that matters. Right?! Right. When I start rating places we've been to, I'm only concerned with the food. I'll mention the service and ambiance only if it is particularly good or bad, and also if it actually affects your eating experience in a significant way. For example, Vogglio D' Pizza has the best Pizza in Calgary, but I would certainly not recommend eating there. I'd recommend picking it up or getting it delivered as their on-site location is pretty poor. Likewise, the downtown (Calgary) Redwater location had great food - however since I saw something skitter quickly accross the floor (either a small rat or a large bug), I can't recommend it. Also, don't expect number ratings. My reviews will be similar to Kotaku reviews, minus the nice good/bad highlighting. You'll actually have to read (yeah, all 0 of you). Now that that is outta the way...

My first "review" will be of Belvedere. It has a dress code: smart casual (whatever the fuck that means), but the guy on the phone said "no ripped jeans" which means they could be pretty easy going. Regardless, I felt under dressed (dark jeans, button down shirt, not tucked in) since all the guys there had jackets. I was going to say something about my companion and weight, but I don't think I'd get my point across. Anyway, before I get into how my meal tasted, I guess I should let everyone (all 0 of you) know my preferences: I hate onions. A lot. My biggest fear is being raped in public by an onion. First, everyone hates being raped, second I don't really like being around (or in front of) people, and I definitely despise onions. Also, I like my meat medium or medium well. It depends on the meat and the place. I started with well done, but Smiling Vandal brought me down half-way to her level (ie, still twitching). One of these days when I'm really not lazy, I'll put our "profiles" up somewhere on either side of this thing, so when we "review" something, you have an immediate context and can relate it to our tastes.

Finally, the food: I had their Elk. It came with some veggies (I don't care about veggies). Never having tried Elk before, all I can say is that it is good. It had a very unique taste (even though it was cooked less than "medium") and I enjoyed my meal. Perhaps the portion could have been larger, but the taste was excellent. The veggies were...veggies. There was like a mutant veggie, and some carrots, asparagus, and puree. The meat came in 3 "strips" of roughly equal thickness. The sauce (dunno what it was) for the meat was also good, complimented the taste nicely. We had Wolfberger ‘Steingrubler’ Grand Cru Gewurztraminer (Alsace 2003) to drink. From here on out, that type of wine will be referred to as the "G" wine. We usually get Riesling (I'm not the alcy, but Smiling Vandal is and she blackmailed me into drinking wine). I thought the wine had a very unique taste (at least for me since I don't really drink), and it reminded me slightly of this Icewine I tried a few months back. It was very good, either way. You'll notice that I don't have a good mastery of the English language and I reuse the same adjectives over and over. After that, we both had dessert. Some chocolate thingy with ice cream, and one strawberry (and a gooseberry). I liked it, it was better than I expected. It was filling for a dessert from a "fancy" place. When I go to "fancy" places, I expect the dessert to be small. This portion was not small, not large, but just right. Not that both of us could not have had more... The Belvedere is definitely a "fancy" restaurant. It has a bunch of awards, and a pretty big wine list (though their Riesling selection is lacking, considering the number of wines they have). All in all, a good meal, and we're definitely going back. Swallow.

Rating System

I guess I should have started by mentioning how I'm rating these restaurants first, instead of starting off with the review of Mercato... For the time being, I am speaking for myself. Not sure what kind of rating system Zarkotic has in store for this.

So it shouldn't be too hard to guess as to how this rating system works. There are only two options: Spit or Swallow; one good, one bad. Simple, no? For those who understand better with "hands on" experience, go shove some chocolate down your throat to swallow, then go suck dick to....... wait, I guess this isn't relevant for everyone....
OK, Spit = bad, Swallow = good. Done.

At the moment, my rating is an overall rating for the restaurant in general, unless otherwise specified. Maybe in time I will start listing and rating ambiance, service, each particle of food, etc.